A Mindmap of Me Thinking About Me Being a Designer

I know it's a little bit hard to look at, so please do bear with it as much as you can. IF you can. 

-whimpers-

Now, I wish to be a character designer out of all the types of designers known the most. It's because that when it comes to characters, living beings that are able to interact to move the plot forward -basically putting my human psychology knowledge to practice- is something that I am moved by the most, considering I am used to light souls up by writing. I also still have quite the interest on editing graphics, because basically I like beautifying stuff that I believe and can beautify.

And because I am pretty much a compound of both an illustrator and an author, my dream that incorporates my designer dream is for me to be the creator of a moving visual novel. I don't mind if it does not gain financial success, all I wish is for it to flourish and lives on as a legend in the visual novel industry.

I am of course mainly inspired by anime as my main illustrating style /and probably the only decent one/, but Disney animations have always been something I've always had an amazing interest in. I want to make sure that my works have some sort of magic Disney beheld, all the special,sparkly pixie dust.

And what I mean by 'therapeutic' is the fact that most of the time, art a.k.a designing a.k.a creating has always been an amazing healing essence whenever I feel mentally down. I'm prone to anxiety attacks, I'm very easily depressed, heck, every single day I struggle to suppress my defect mentality from showing up. And art helps, maybe not so visibly, but it does. It's one of the very few things that actually have this ability. Without art, maybe my my life would have been much,much more bland and blue, and knowing what kind of person I am, I know I won't last long in a world without art a.k.a design a.k.a creating.

But then in the downside, I always compare myself to others and has this huge self-contempt building up day by day, to the point that whenever others compliment me , I always have doubts about their words. Trying to turn this unwanted automatic function of mine is just so unbelievably difficult. And sometimes, instead of easing my pain, art a.k.a design a.k.a proves to be counter-intuitive instead, a double-sided sword.

And that's why I vision my future as not a whole extension from designing. Because of this seriously tacky but existent dilemma.

I'm sorry, rant done :'D

And I'll be posting these on my tumblog as well, you can pay a visit at: shrillcriesofcicadas.tumblr,com

But warning: I'm DEFINITELY a whole lot more... Unstable.

But I think you've always known this anyway, right?